Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

Sure enough, at the word ‘Emperor’, the smile Castor had been wearing disappeared. I was still doubtful but he remained silent and his expressionless face looked as if he was stuck alone in a bubble of his own time.

His lips were pursed into a delicate shape and there was no movement in his eyes.

Then, a fog clouded over his beautiful golden eyes. His golden iris that surrounded his black pupil glowed and I felt an intense fear that almost forced me to go on my knees.

‘He’s using his strange powers again.’

As if I was being forced to dress in front of him, the intangible atmosphere was only instilling more fear in me. This was Castor’s powers and his powers were the ones I feared the most.

“Hahahaha. How fun!”

I already knew the future of what was to come to this land but I was living through these past few days over and over again uselessly. Death had always come to me with the strike of his sword but whenever I saw him, I was always terrified for some unknown reason. He felt scarier than the hounds that guarded hell’s gates.

But I was not afraid of him anymore.

Whenever I saw him laughing as he killed me over and over again a dozen times, I got gradually worn out. I did not need to roll the dice. I already knew all the crazy possible things he could do because I had been through them so many times.

‘If I was going to come back alive anyway, it didn’t matter how I died, right?”

I decided that it was time to end this ridiculous moronic act.

A day that I had been through 40 times. In this long time, he was the only one enjoying the death of me and my maids. And I had to suffer through the agony again once I regressed.

“What an interesting speculation. Go ahead.”

He turned his head to the side and stared at me. I acted as if I was wondering what he said.

“Speculation? What’s a speculation?”

“What you were saying. The reason why I’m here.”

“Ah! You mean the reason why brother came to see me?”

He grinned before leaning against a pillar.

“That’s right.”

It seemed as if he had retracted his weapon into his long sleeves but at the same time, threatening me that he could hit me at any time possible. I tried to resist the urge to retreat as soon as possible and shook off the sense of helplessness and fear I was feeling. Coyly, I spoke.

“Well, if you were not thinking of me, why else would you come to see me during the harvest season which is the busiest time of the year?”

“What if I came to see you for another reason?”

“A different reason?”

My eyes widened and I muttered in surprise. Then, I lifted my head and stared into Castor’s eyes.

“What reason then?”

“Who knows.”

Castor smiled.

I could feel his face relaxing as he looked at me from an angle. He gazed at me as if he was feeling the languid afternoon. He was not at all agitated. Instead it was me who was left nervously on the edge. Wondering what crazy thoughts he was harboring, he whipped his head around to face the knights before slowly flashing a smile.

“A rebellion.”

“Oh, that can’t be. I already told you you like me, brother!”

“I do?”

“Yes! The maids in Terena Palace all like me. I’m sure my brother will be the same.”

I blinked nonchalantly and smiled brightly.

“I like my brother.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

Another reason why I said this was to colour my cheeks red so as to make myself look objectively innocent. With a hand on my chest, I smiled as brightly as a flower bursting into full bloom at the crack of dawn.

“That’s why, brother.”

First I had to talk nonsense.

“I’m sure that you like me very much.”

The supporting characters in <Light of Rusbella> were all fools with their heads filled with flowers. Born to a family that treated them preciously, the lady was raised by those who would often call her angels or flowers, causing her to truly believe that the world was beautiful.

Which was why I had no doubt he would believe that I thought everything that I liked would love me back.

I just borrowed the famous lines from the lady that would one day become Rusbella’s best friend.

“Brother likes me. Because I like my brother.”

This was the first time I had ever seen him smile without killing me first. For a long time, Castor had been a son of a bitch and I managed to relieve my anger by cursing at him right in front of me till I died. Ah, this was really something I never imagined to see.

The fluttering leaves drew my attention. I was thirsty.

“Princess.”

While I had been distracted by the vividness of the yellow leaves, I did not notice how his mood flipped like a coin.

“It’s better to believe only when you know the information is accurate. Especially if you bet something precious on that belief.”

His languid voice made my head spring up. Castor stopped talking for a moment before tilting his head and lowering his eyes like a predator. He smiled gently.

“Ashley Rosé.”

All he said was a few words but my mouth was already dry.

“Do you know why I came here?”

“Yes. T-to come and see me…?”

He tilted his head before smiling whilst showing his teeth. For the first time, I saw Castor genuinely happy.

Castor raised his head with his arms crossed before laughing at me mockingly.

“To accuse you of your sins.”

A sudden eerie feeling dug into my temple.

The knights who had been standing behind Castor surrounded the garden and took a step forward. There were also some who were holding their gladiuses high in the sky. (1)

This was clearly the scene right before they were going to start a massacre. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at Castor with tightened lips.

No. No!

“Ashley, daughter of Auresia. I enjoyed your stories. I feel like I have been through a lot after meeting you today. It wasn’t bad. But it’s time we get to the point.

Light shone from his eyes. He slowed down his steps before he stopped walking. He tugged me towards him and lifted my chin.

“It’s time to interrogate you for your crime.”

“What are you talking about? W-what do you mean sin? If you have anything you want from me, please tell me. I’ll do anything…”

What did I do wrong? I never hurt him! The resentment that was swelling in me popped like a balloon unable to withstand the high pressure. All the thoughts and curses within the balloon were then directed towards him.

If Castor had not insisted on being so strict like the first time round, I could have thought of a counterattack.

I thought of something crazy. I can try to stab him this time.

“W-what do you want? All I did was wait for my brother to come and dress myself like a flower! I learnt instruments! Court etiquette! All for my coming-of-age ceremony one day!”

No, not yet. I need to calm down. Let me think. I took a deep breath to suck in all the curses I had at the tip of my tongue. The new lead I had was too precious for it to end just like this. Whatever this was. These were the achievements I obtained to save my life. I was waiting for a future with a red carpet laid out in front of me. It would be such a shame to give up my precious jewels like this. Even if I was to live again and die the same way, I should try to see things to the end. Just like how it was useless to hold fine sand in your hand, I was still happy to have it.

“Is that so?”

He gave me a smile before gazing upon me as if he was digging deep into the inner corners of my heart. Castor then whispered as if it was a secret with his low yet majestic voice.

“Then, you must live today.”

Since this started about 40 regressions ago, I have been living through this day for more than a month already so I was able to guess what Castor was going to say next easily. My hands were shaking so I held them tight, bit my lips and held my breath. I looked up at him.

There was still a way.

“Ashley, daughter of Auresia.”

Castor had an unexpectedly soft look on his face so what if… Now, all I could hope was that this would be different from my previous 30 times I met him.

It was useless to not use my whole body to try to live amidst these dozens of repetitions. He kept on tightening his hold on my throat as if he was squeezing a straw and ignored my screams.

“I will continue to condemn you for the crimes you committed against the Empire. The sins of interacting with the forbidden judge and the templar who is the embodiment of chaos. From now on, you’ll be risking your life and answering my three questions. Your answers will determine whether or not you’re loyal to the Empire.”

I quivered before answering.

“Y-you just need an answer?”

“Depends.”

As soon as I moved my head, I saw a gleeful Castor.

“On your answer.

His majestic and overwhelming voice sounded mischievous. It felt as if a piece of glass had penetrated my chest. I wanted to believe that there was hope.

His eyes drooped down and his emotions were controlled perfectly.

It was alright. It was not over yet. I was less nervous and more feeling a chronic sense of helplessness. If I die here, I would just regress.

“What does the Empire mean to you?”

In short, I had pretended to be a stupid girl so that he would not feel challenged and no matter what think of me as a useless girl.

“This is what my brother is interested in. My brother’s decisions are always based on his interests at the moment.”

To make him believe that I would have no effect on him.

“It has no meaning to me.”

I hoped that I did not look awkward and I tried to laugh it off to make myself look obedient.

“It’s only the country I was born in, right? It’s natural here for the women here to love the country.”

Court etiquette here was similar to that of the Joseon Dynasty. Women only needed to smile prettily like a flower and ask for permission only for them to one day become broken. Because their husbands were their sky. (2)

He might have understood what I tried to say even if I did not say it bluntly. Anyway, all I was trying to do was to hide my brilliance.

Indeed, a stupid knight’s face crumpled at my words of defiance against the Empire itself. Castor smiled softly like a flower blooming on the highest peaks.

“Are you trying to say that the Empire where you were born in and raised in is not your country?”

“Was I not allowed to say this?”

“I mean, rather than the fact that you’re not allowed to… It was a very dumb answer and pleasant to hear.”

As I stared at each and everyone of the knights’ faces, I was grateful to have lived through these days 40 times. They looked as if they were thinking how I could say such things to Castor’s face.

Right, go ahead and laugh.

I would show you my stupidity. It would be so bad they would not even want to touch me like leftovers. I would be too stupid to even kill. I was trying to trick all of them.

“Right, Ashley. What do you think of the Emperor?”

“W-well, he was the person that gave birth to me. My father. I hope the person who succeeds him will be a cool and handsome man.

My voice was steady.

“But I don’t want to marry into some faraway country. I want to see my maids.”

In this explicit silence, not a single jeer could be heard but I could see the sneers in the knights’ faces.

“Well, and I want to get married later. I want to stay here for a long time.

Something that had been hovering near the back of my head all this time drew all my attention. Once I stopped trembling and realised that I was captured, a new realisation dawned upon me. No way. I thought there could be no way…

I felt a shudder throughout my body.

It was different.

It was completely different.

I could not pinpoint what made me feel this way exactly, but I knew that this time was different. It was the atmosphere. My gut feeling.

My fingernails dug into my palm.

“I can live if I answer his questions well, right?”

“That’s right.”

In fact, this would not have been possible without my last 40 deaths which made me realise that I was a stupid idiot with no sense of crisis. I thought that all this time, it was all because I was not answering his questions properly. I had been afraid, angry and had given up.

T/N:

Happy New Year!!

(1): Gladius is a latin word for sword. It can also be referring to foot soldiers in ancient rome. The more you know.

(2): Common saying in East Asian countries to say how for wives, their husbands were their everything and they must look up to them.